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THE CITY REBORN FROM THE ASHES OF AMERICA'S MOST DISASTROUS FOREST FIRE
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Country Cousin

April Fools!...

March is nearly over, and April will be here before we know it. This year the legendary March winds really outdid themselves on several days. Downed trees caused widespread power outages, and at times some of us humans felt like we might be blown away too. If the April showers are that overdone we could be in for some serious flooding.

On a happier note, finally saw the Sun on Tuesday. What a relief to know it's still up there!

APRIL FOOLS DAY

If you haven't yet dreamed up you April Fool's Day prank, time is getting short. The big day for pranking all around the world comes on Saturday.

There have been some really great national level April Fools Day pranks over the years. One of them was back in 1996, when the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed a few hours later when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a practical joke.

However, during the uproar over the supposed sale, Mike McCurry, who was White House press secretary at the time, was asked about the sale. He added fuel to the fire. Said that to bring down the national debt, the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation. From that day forward it was to be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

TAX TIME COMETH

Just a reminder. The annual April 15 income tax filing is just over two weeks away. If you haven't done so yet, it's time to hunker down and get those returns filed.

Heard about a fellow who didn't fare so well with his tax return.

His attempt to claim what the IRS maintained were far too many dependents brought a tax man to his door for an audit.

In response to a question, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?" he had replied, ś.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack-heads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 450 idiots in Congress and a group that call themselves Politicians."

When the IRS man told him that answer was unacceptable he asked, "Whom did I leave out?"

So a word of warning. You may very well be supporting all these people, but no, you cannot claim them as dependents on your tax return.

ON THE SOAP BOX

ANTI FEMINISTS


My favorite (and only) granddaughter is a woman of strong opinions and deep insight. She understands people better than most and always fights for the underdog, which is one of the reasons she loves her nursing job job at Green Bay's newest Mental Hospital.

She's all woman, but will never be part of the women's rights movement, and explains why:

"You know what.... I can't stand modern feminists. Preaching about respecting women and their right to be who they want and how we girls need to stick together, and all that cutesy junk. Oh, and of course how seemingly all men are the worst"

"In my short 23 years of experience I've generally been treated better by men than by women. Yes, there are bad PEOPLE all over, men AND women. When most women today talk about "equality," they wear it more like an accessory. You use it as some sort of fashion statement. You're not really fighting for equality when you're just talking down men. That is being sexist."

She wonders why the women's rights people never bring up the fact that one in every four men in the United States has been physically abused, or that statistics show one in 33 men has been a victim of rape.

"Could you imagine the statistics if we encouraged men to speak up against domestic abuse and rape the way we do women?

"Men live in fear of women just as much as women used to fear men. Women are savage. We manipulate, put down, strip them of rights as fathers, we lie and lie again to get revenge and cut them deep."

"I have witnessed three men very dear to me being physically abused by a significant other. One was even pushed off a deck, at his own house. Guess who got put in the cop car?

"I have witnessed other men being physically and verbally abused by a significant other. They don't fight back, because it would be against their nature. They have been raised to believe that a gentleman never hits a lady, and to do so would make them less of a man.

She also maintains that if women want to be treated like ladies, they should act like ladies, and wants people to use some commmon sense, not just chant the sexist rant.

"Wouldn't it be great if men and women would work together as nature intended, instead of each trying to be something we are not?" she asks.

"Men will always be able to do things that women can't, it's nature. Just as women can do things that men can't. That's nature too. Instead of fighting each other, we should be fighting together. We should be communicating civilly.

"Ladies, we need to retract the claws a bit. Let's start talking civilly.

"Men, same goes for you. Please speak up against domestic violence and sexual assault. Your spouse beating you doesn't make you any less of a man and it is not OK. Confide in your loved ones.

"I am an anti-feminist, pro-equality, loving mom, and spouse. These are my views and opinions about the pressing gender issues in the United States. I encourage positive criticism."

CRIME RATE

Somewhat on the same subject, people wonder why the rise in juvenile crime in recent years. It's so obvious! Children are no longer raised at home, by a loving mother. Prior to World War II, and even through the 50's, a mother of young children usually went out to work only from dire necessity. Mothers and fathers had their roles and were not ashamed of them. For families with children, motherhood was mom's primary job, and she and everyone else knew it.

Now, society has changed so that a woman is almost ashamed if she doesn't have an outside job, and the economy has changed so that sadly most families cannot get along on one income.

The title "homemaker" has fallen by the wayside, more's the shame. Recently saw a young stay-at-home mother of 4 very young children enter "none" on a questionnaire line asking about occupation. How sad that the most valuable profession in the world is so under valued.

Unless you are a world-famous achiever, 50 years after you retire hardly anyone will remember if you were the best doctor, lawyer or merchant chief in the business. But if you have children, they will remember if you were the best parent, and the job you have done will affect their children and their children's children on down through the generations. Parenting (and teaching) are just about the only occupations in which ordinary folks can reliably have a real and lasting impact on the future. Why are we downgrading it?

GROWIN' THINGS

If the frost isn't out of the ground yet, it soon will be, and that's the time to start sprucing up the orchard. My orchard specialist friend tells me now is the time to prune the apple trees. While you're pruning, if any buds are showing, collect some cuttings to force so you can enjoy the fragrant beauty of apple blossoms in the house long before the orchard puts on its spring dress. More on this later.

Pruning encourages healthier growth, heavier flowering and fruiting, and opens up the trees for more effective bug control. Best is to prune both branches and roots, strange as it sounds. Guess it gets the trees lean and mean, much like shedding excess pounds helps an athlete. Anyway, if your trees are to have a pedicure, it should be done while they are still dormant, which means time now is getting short. Of course, the ground has to be sufficiently thawed to get the shovel in for the root pruning. You can also do root pruning in late fall after the leaves are falling.

ROOT PRUNING

Use a flat-bladed shovel or spade with a sharp edge. Locate the "weep line", which is where the end of the farthest branch. Plunge that shovel into the ground along this line all the way around the tree as deep as you can get it. Into the cuts, sprinkle a half pound of Epsom salts per full grown tree. For some reason, the trees like Epsom salts, and will respond by having better color, thicker foliage and bark, and heftier blossoms.

Then, drill holes in a circle 9 inches out from the weep line, and insert a piece of a tree spike fertilizer into each hole. The holes should be an inch in diameter, a foot deep, and about 18 inches apart. Brew up some tea, using 4 tea bags per gallon of water. Let this cool, then add 2 ounces of shampoo. Pour some of this into each hole, over the tree spike pieces, and fill the holes with soil. This tip came from Jerry Baker's book, "Flower Power". I haven't used it yet, but will.

GIVE IT A MANICURE

For the regular pruning use sharp tools. You should clean the tools between trees to avoid spreading disease. Making all cuts flush to a larger branch or the trunk, trim off all broken or dead branches, as well as any that go straight up from the regular branches. Also, destroy any suckers growing up around the trunk. For major pruning beyond this, you probably should get some on-site advice, but Door County orchards usually have their trees kept low and spreading, with their centers almost cone-shaped if viewed from the top. All wounds over an inch in diameter should be covered with pruning paint to prevent entry of infection.

DIGGING FOR GOLD

Remember the old Bible story about the man who told his sons he had left them a fortune buried in the orchard? The sons sound like something of a lazy lot, but they wanted that fortune, and spent years digging up the orchard. It must have been pretty big. They never did find the money, but the trees responded to all the attention by flourishing and providing them a fortune in fruit. Wonder if the sons ever realized what kind of fortune their father meant.

RUSH THE SEASON

While you're in the orchard, cut some small live branches for forcing if there are any buds showing. It might be too early. In addition to apple and plum blossoms, forsythia, flowering cherry and flowering crab are fairly reliable to force. Choose branches with lots of buds, and try to take them from spots you might want to trim anyway. Use a very sharp knife, and make good, clean cuts flush against the tree trunk, leaving no stub. Apply a bandage of pruning paint wherever you've done surgery.

Take the branches you've cut and crush or split them a few inches from the bottom so they can drink more readily. Put them in a bucket of room-temperature water and store in a cool place, maybe 60 to 65 degrees, if you can. A warmer room will bring flowers more quickly, but they won't be as large or as plentiful. Guess like most things, it pays to be patient. Change the water once a week. You should have blossoms in 2 to 3 weeks. Put them in pretty vases, and voila! Indoor Spring, fragrance and all! Hope those buds start showing soon enough to force blossoms in time for Easter!

COOKIN' TIME

FRIDAY FEASTING

For those who observe meatless Fridays during Lent, especially Good Friday, or just for anyone who enjoys seafood, here's a truly special recipe. Fairly expensive, but worth every dime of it. Serves 12, so is good for a family gathering, or you can bake half now and freeze the second half for an unharried company meal another day.

FRIDAY FANTASY

2 bottles clam juice (8 oz. each)

2 tsp. Old Bay seasoning

2 pounds. fish fillets (choose a firm fish such as cod or flounder)

1 pound shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 pound scallops

1/2 cup flour

1 tablespoon dried tarragon

2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

8 tablespoons butter, divided

4 cloves minced garlic

1/2 cup dry white wine (you can substitute 1/4 cup lemon juice and 1/4 cup water)

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

2 packages frozen vegetable mix (1 pound each)

(Use the kind including broccoli, mushrooms and peppers, or broccoli, carrots and water chestnuts, for example. The stir-fry mix including asparagus is also excellent.)

2 tablespoons grated lemon zest

4 tablespoons plain dry bread crumbs

4 tablespoons minced fresh parsley (or 4 teaspoons dried parsley)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Thaw the vegetables and squeeze gently to remove excess moisture. In large, deep skillet combine clam juice with the Old Bay seasoning. Bring to a boil over high heat, then add fish and reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer about 5 minutes, until almost opaque. Remove fish and set aside. Add shrimp and scallops to the broth, cook until shrimp are just pink, about 4 to 5 minutes. Remove them and set aside. Save one cup of the clam juice broth. You'll keep using the same pan so don't wash it. (The recipe says discard the rest of the broth, but save it to add to potato chowder. If you're not going to use it right away, freeze it.) Mix flour, tarragon, salt and red pepper. Melt 6 tablespoons butter in the pan you were using. Add garlic, cook until just softened and not browned, maybe 2 to 3 minutes. Sprinkle on the flour mixture and stir until the pan contents are well mixed. Takes a minute or two. Mix juice, cream and wine and add quickly all at once to the pan, stirring constantly. Bring to a boil and cook about 3 minutes, still stirring constant.y. Stir in cheese until it melts. Stir in vegetables and lemon zest and remove from heat. Break fish into chunks and carefully stir in with the shrimp and scallops. (You might have to transfer the whole works into a large bowl to mix.) Put into one large or two smaller (1 1/2 quart) casserole dishes. Butter them first. Combine crumbs, parsley and remaining butter until crumbled and sprinkle over top of the casserole or casseroles. Bake until top is golden, 45 minutes for the large casserole, 30 minutes for small. If you are saving one for later, don't bake it now. Press plastic wrap over the top of the second casserole, then wrap it with foil. Freeze up to a month. When it's time to use it, remove the plastic and replace the foil. Then bake at 350 degrees for 1 1/4 hours, remove the foil and bake another 30 minutes. Serve with buttered rice with chopped parsley added or baked potatoes. Fried noodles also make a good accompaniment. Sometime I will try baking it with spaghetti added for a one-dish meal.

CARROT-PUMPKIN MUFFINS

1 1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice or just cinnamon

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 egg

1 cup canned pumpkin

3/4 cup honey

2 tablespoons applesauce

1 tablespoon salad oil

1 cup shredded carrots

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Use muffin cups or coat a 12-cup muffin tin with nonstick spray. Mix flour, spice, baking soda and baking powder in large bowl, In smaller bowl, whisk egg, pumpkin, honey, oil and applesauce together until smooth. Add to flour mixture, add carrots and stir just until smooth. Do not over mix. Spoon into muffin cups. Bake 25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

PEANUT BUTTER BALLS

Want to beef up the bunny's candy supply? Try these. Make them now and hide them until Easter.

2 cups peanut butter

2 cups powdered sugar

2 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/2 cup butter or margarine

Chocolate for dipping, light or dark

Mix together in mixer or food processor everything except the chocolate. Form into egg shapes or balls and drop onto waxed paper. When they firm up a bit dip into melted chocolate. Good with both both dark and milk chocolate. (A good chocolate for dipping is made by melting a bag of chocolate chips with a tablespoon of butter in the microwave until it gets the right consistency. Be careful, it doesn't take long.)

Country Cousin

Thought for the week: As Spring brings its annual renewal to the world, let us reflect on all the beauties God has prepared for us, and consider that if a sunset or a starry sky on Earth can be so awesome, what greater beauty must there be waiting for us in Heaven? As it says in Psalms 19.1, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands."

(This column is written by Shirley Prudhomme of Crivitz. Views expressed are her own and are in no way intended to be an official statement of the opinions of Peshtigo Times editors and publishers. She may be contacted by phone at 715-291-9002 or by e-mail to shirleyprudhommechickadee@yahoo.com.)


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