Country Cousin

Issue Date: May 11, 2022

Shirley Prudhomme

Spring has sprung!

Spring has finally sprung here in TIMESLand, and it looks like Summer came right behind and pushed Spring out of the way. We went from freezing temperatures last week to 80 degrees this week. Go figure!

That said, don't be in too much of a hurry to set out tender seedlings and move houseplants outdoors. This is Wisconsin, you know. Not so many years ago, there was a major blizzard on May 16, when the orchards were all in bloom. Everything seems a bit behind schedule this year, but tulips and daffodils are out, forsythia and Juneberries are blooming, and Spring really is busting out all over.

With the COVID regulations finally relaxed, schools are holding real graduation ceremonies this year, and families are again getting together to celebrate things like weddings and graduations, or just to enjoy each other's company.

Inland fishing season started right on schedule, and trout were biting on Saturday. Seems a shame, though, that trout fishermen no longer flock here for trout fishing since the regulations were put in place a number of years ago that make it almost impossible to actually catch and keep enough fish for a meal and get them back home, since DNR's the bag limits change depending on where you are on the stream.

Heard some smelt were caught in Lake Michigan off the Menominee County shoreline this spring. Hopefully they're coming back here to live.

Morel mushrooms don't seem to be out yet, but certainly they will be showing up soon. Can't wait!!! Ramps are already providing some fine dining. City folks can have their champagne and caviar. I'll gladly take our wild foods instead.

USE CAUTION

Spring is a wonderful season for wandering the woodlands, whether you're stalking the stream banks to lure a wiley trout, seeking the haunts of the elusive morel, searching out wild flowers, or just plain soaking up spring.

But here's a word of caution. Poison ivy also haunts many stream banks and roadsides. And at this time of year you may not notice its bitsy stems and leaves. But it's still there, and still causes its infamous rash. Had some cousins hospitalized once after sunbathing on a lovely river bank when they should have been in school.

By the way, what do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? See answer at the end of the column.

JUST WONDERING...

If a president is shot by a sniper, he has been assassinated. If Joe Blow gets shot by a sniper, he has been murdered. How important does a person have to be to get assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Why are actors "in the movies" but "on television"?

ON THE SOAP BOX "�

SNEAKY TAX HIKE

The April 15 income tax deadline has come and gone, and depending on return results was either pain or pleasure, but we pay sales taxes year round. The rates haven't changed, but we're still paying more. The wild inflation we're going through - thanks to the liberal spending policies of President Joe Biden and his friends - means we not only pay more to buy our toilet paper, gasoline and other necessities, each purchase costs us a few more cents in sales tax as well, because the amount is based on a percentage of the cost.

When we get a pay raise, we might move into a higher tax bracket, and again we'll be paying more taxes on the money we earn. Maybe the inflation is planned. After all, it is a sneaky way for politicians to raise taxes without raising taxes.

In addition to property taxes, we pay excise taxes, taxes on gas, cigarettes, alcohol, plus paying license fees, permit fees and other fees for just about everything else the government does to us or for us.

Even prisoners jailed for not paying child support are charged for their stay in jail, and once they do start working, that crowbar hotel fee has to be paid before the kids start getting supported again.

Doesn't seem fair or reasonable.

Years ago, an unnamed author submitted a little poem to the Peshtigo Times. Found it recently with some old clippings, and it seems worth repeating. It "s even more true today.

TAX WHAT?

Tax his cow, tax his goat,

Tax his pants, tax his coat.

Tax his ties, tax his shirt,

Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke

Teach him taxes is no joke.

Tax his car, tax his jackass.

Tax his roads, and tax the gas.

Tax his land, tax his wage

Tax the bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor, tax his mule,

Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his tobacco, tax his drink

Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze, then tax his beers.

If he cries, tax his tears.

Tax his savings, tax his stash,

Tax each check he has to cash.

Tax his house, his shoes, his car,

Tax the foodstuffs in the jar.

Tax his coffin, tax his grave,

Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb:

"Taxes drove me to my doom."

Then, when he's gone

They don't relax...

They still collect inheritance tax!

ON THE SOAP BOX - AGAIN

SMOKE SCREENS

Years ago (in 2008), when politicians were working to make cigarette smoking illegal because they were worried about our health, wrote a column warning that the movement to ban smoking would be only the first step in do-gooders trying to force us to lead what they believe are healthy lifestyles.

Was I right or what? Next came seat belts, then killer air bags, and most recently the draconian COVID decrees.

Not saying that smoking is good for anyone, just saying that it isn't up to our law makers to force us to do what's healthy. "Our body, our choice," you know. Guess liberals believe that only applies when they're talking about abortions.

Even today, school kids are still being forced to drink 1 percent milk at school, partly because of school lunch rules foisted by Michelle Obama when her husband was president. Healthy, active kids were penalized then to keep couch potato kids from getting fat, and parts of those penalties are still with us.

There were some big government efforts to stop us from drinking sodas and enjoying other goodies, but when folks began pushing back, they stopped for a while. Don't worry. They'll start again.

Said back then that if the anti-smoking regulators were really worried about protecting folks who want to be protected from second-hand smoke, all they'd have to do is pass a law requiring businesses to post signs on their doors, either, "smoking allowed" or "smoking prohibited". Freedom of choice for everyone, for the business owner and the customer. Come in or stay out.

Said back then that smoking sure wouldn't be the end of it, and once again, have been proven right. The butt-inskys had started trying to dictate how much we eat, and limit what our choices are. Laws were drafted to force restaurants to cut calories from their menus. Most haven't been made into law. Yet.

Parents are fined for failing to put their child in a car seat. How long before the first parent is jailed for allowing their youngster to become overweight? Not possible, you say? Think about it! Child abuse!

At least one legislator back then said it was good that gas prices were getting so high, in fact he wanted to add more tax. Not to build roads. He wanted to force us to walk more. Exercise is healthy, you know!

Maybe someday we'll realize that when we're willing and eager to limit the freedoms of others, pretty soon no one has any.

It's downright frightening.

When did we descendants of the freedom loving rebels who founded this nation become so mentally deficient that we let our politicians do our thinking, make our decisions?

If the life control forces keep getting stronger, when the Fourth of July gets here we should be wearing black instead of red, white and blue. We"ll have to mourn the death of democracy instead of celebrating its birth.

We have only ourselves to blame. We need to let our legislators know we're done letting them mind everyone else's business. Let them know we want to keep this the land of the free and we want them to keep their noses out of our private lives and our private businesses!

GET THE STAINS OUT

With fine weather, some of us get an urge to clean our cars. Washing the outside of the vehicle is one thing. Cleaning the inside is another, particularly if the vehicle has fabric upholstery.

For a quick and very satisfactory cleanup, first vacuum thoroughly, preferably with a shop vac. By the way, do this first, before you do the outside. You do NOT want to be standing in water when you vacuum.

If you don't have foam-type upholstery cleaner handy, hubby's white shaving cream makes a good substitute. This is particularly good for spot cleaning, for example getting up that coffee spill stain on short notice. (Possibly before he gets a chance to notice.) Simply spray on enough cream to cover the stain, then rub well with a damp cloth. The cream"s foaming action lifts the dirt. Then use a damp sponge to wipe up the rest of the mess. Once the upholstery is dry, vacuum again to get up any remaining residue. Smells good, too, if you use the right brand of shaving cream.

SPRING ROMANCE

Spring is traditionally the season for romance. Most of us know love is beautiful, but guess what? Now they"re finding out it's healthy too.

Actually, in one study, it wasn't love they were testing, it was the effect of kissing.

Kissing, they said, triggers the release of chemicals known to reduce stress in the body. We all know stress is bad, so reducing stress must be good.

They didn't say who you had to kiss to get the benefits, or even if you had to be in love. Anyway, if you're going to test the theory it's probably best to kiss your own honey. Anything else might bring on an unwanted side effect...like a punch in the paunch!

Unless of course the kissee is a willing participant.

COOKIN TIME

Time to get away from the kitchen and cozy up to the grill. Found a few good old recipes today for easy to make cakes, for those who are obligated to produce a dessert.

CHICKEN KABOBS WITH TZATZIKI SAUCE

This wonderful Greek/Armenian marinade can also be used for pork.

Kababs:

1/4 cup olive oil

2 tablespoons lemon juice

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper (or salt)

1 1/2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast halves, cut

into bite-sized pieces (or pork)

Tzatziki Sauce:

1 (6 ounce) container plain Greek-style yogurt

1/2 cucumber - peeled, seeded, and grated

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 teaspoons white vinegar

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper (or pinch of salt)

6 wooden skewers, or as many as needed

Mix the 1/4 cup olive oil, lemon juice, 2 cloves minced garlic, oregano, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large resealable bag. Add chicken, coat with the marinade, squeeze out excess air, and seal the bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours. Longer doesn't hurt. The same rule applies to pork cubes. Mix the sauce right away, because it also needs to sit for at lest an hour or two, but longer is okay. Mix the yogurt, cucumber, tablespoon of olive oil, vinegar, minced garlic, and lemon pepper together in a bowl. Refrigerate tzatziki sauce for flavors to blend, 1 to 2 hours. Preheat outdoor grill to medium-high heat and lightly oil the grate. Soak the wooden skewers in a bowl of water for about 15 minutes. Remove chicken from marinade and thread onto the soaked skewers. Discard unused marinade. Cook the skewers on the pre-heated grill, turning frequently until nicely browned on all sides and chicken (or pork) is no longer pink in the center, about 8 minutes per side. Serve with Tzatziki Sauce.

FROZEN DATE SALAD

This delicious treat is great because it can be prepared well in advance to have on hand whenever you need something really special. It's as much a dessert as it is a salad. Can be frozen for up to three months.

1 package cream cheese, 8 ounces, softened

1 cup real maple syrup

1 can (20 ounces) unsweetened crushed pineapple, drained

1 cup chopped dates

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 carton (8 ounces) frozen whipped topping, thawed

Line a 9x5x3-inch loaf pan with plastic wrap. In a small mixing bowl beat the cream cheese and syrup until smooth. Fold in the pineapple, dates, walnuts and whipped topping. Spoon into the prepared pan. Cover with foil. Freeze for at least eight hours or overnight or even three months. Remove from the freezer 20 minutes before serving. Invert onto a serving plate and cut into slices to serve. Makes 8 servings.

DO NOTHING CAKE

The cake:

Almost too easy, and dangerously delicious.

2 cups flour

2 cups sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple, undrained

Topping:

1 stick butter

1 cup sugar

1 5 1/2-ounce can evaporated milk

1 cup chopped nuts (preferably pecans)

1 cup shredded or flaked coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put all the cake ingredients into a mixing bowl and stir with a spoon. Do not use a beaters. Pour into a buttered 9x12 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes or until the center of the cake tests done. About 15 minutes before the cake is done, mix the butter, milk and sugar in a saucepan. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly, and then boil for five minutes. Stir in nuts and coconut. Spoon the topping onto the cake while both the cake and the topping mixture are hot.

STRAWBERRY RHUBARB CAKE

In this most simple - and delicious - recipe you simply scatter everything in the pan in the order listed, starting with the rhubarb. Here's the corrected recipe:

4 cups rhubarb, cut into 1" pieces

1 package strawberry flavored gelatin dessert mix

1/2 cup sugar

1 package yellow cake mix

1 cup water

Spray 9"x13" pan with non-fat cooking spray and put the rhubarb in it. Sprinkle over it as evenly as possible the dry gelatin dessert mix. Sprinkle the half cup sugar over that. Then sprinkle over this the dry cake mix, just as it comes from the box. Pour the water over this, again as evenly as possible, and dampening as much of the dry cake mix as you can. Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes. Good warm, cold, plain or with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream. Enjoy!

The Country Cousin

Answer to the riddle - You get a rash of good luck.

Thought for the week: To achieve success, first set some worthwhile goals, and then do what you do with enthusiasm. Put your heart and soul into reaching your goals. As Fred Shero once said, "Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire."

(This column is written by Shirley Prudhomme of Crivitz. Views expressed are her own and are in no way intended to be an official statement of the opinions of Peshtigo Times editors and publishers. She may be contacted by phone at 715-927-5034 or by e-mail at shirleyprudhommechickadee@yahoo.com.)

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